The Chase. Is it really worth it?

I think it’s fair to say that many people like a good chase.  Whether chasing a job, a promotion or the hottie at the other end of the bar, it's usually a lot of fun.  Peace Corps is no different.  As Peace Corps Volunteers (PCVs) we are always chasing ‘The Big Project’ that will somehow impact our community in a big way.  In the past couple of weeks I’ve coordinated 2 events that one could consider ‘projects’.  Maybe not necessarily 'big ones', but projects none-the-less on issues that I feel extremely passionate about and that my community has expressed a need for:

1) An educational activity focusing on sexual health, substance use and making healthy choices with Thai adolescents at my local high school and

1) Painting murals about drugs and safe sex

2) a community-wide environmental awareness event that focused on waste and proper disposal in Thailand, including “Reuse, Reduce and Recycle”. This was to promote volunteerism in celebration of Peace Corps 50th Anniversary in Thailand. 

2) Garbage pick-up and later separated into the  4  recycling groups

I worked really hard and dedicated a lot of time and energy, yet somehow felt extremely disappointed after each one, rather than feeling the elation I was expecting.  Some who know me well may say that I’m notorious for having unattainable high expectations (which I must admit is true and to some degree a fault of mine) and that the lack of elation I felt was because of those expectations.  Don't get me wrong, there were many wonderful things about each event, but I also think there are sufficient reasons for my disappointment.  The long and short of it: Activity 1) Erica's style and Thailand's style struggled a bit with each other. Activity 2) Because the head of the Peace Corps came in support of the 50th Anniversary, my SAO prepared an afternoon of cultural performances.  This was absolutely lovely, but of a 3.5 hour event only 30 minutes were dedicated to the actual activity and therefore, it was not completed in full.  I view these activities as products of The Chase, which inspired me to write this blog.

The Chase (verb): physically, mentally, emotionally trying to reach/achieve/get something or someone (written by me). 

I've come to the conclusion that impacting my community in a ‘big way’ via a ‘big project’ (this is a perfect example of The Chase) is just not happening during my time in Thailand.  This could be just for me, but I do think there is some truth to this for the overall Peace Corps experience.  No, this is no  Debbie-Downer or Pessimistic-Patty moment, instead this is a Realistic-Rosie or Take-the-Unnecessary-Pressure-Off-My-Shoulders-Sally kind of a moment.  Most of us PCVs joke about the ‘small victories’: 1 successful 60 minute lesson in the classroom, a new friendship with a Thai person, 1 dedicated person who digs crocheting pocketbooks out of plastic bags, or 1 village kid who regularly throws their milk carton in your recycle bin.  But, why do we, as PCVs, minimize that?  At the end of the day, the small victories make me feel the best, the most successful and the most happy. 

As I write this, I ask myself “What the hell is wrong with you Erica?” mainly because I’ve written previous blogs and yapped away for hours about the significance of ‘planting seeds’ and that impacting just one Thai person is truly a success.  And that’s not just BS, I really do believe that.  So, why am I here again? Why is all of that so hard to believe when you are on the other side?  I can't tell ya, because I have no clue.  So, to help me move forward wouldn't it be best to focus on what is important?  Yes, I think so too.  What’s important is how the things I do make me and others feel.  If we all feel like The Bomb and start singing 'Kumbaya' after those small victories, well then maybe they aren’t so small after all.  And the things I'm chasing, aren't all that big.

So, there you have it: No, The Chase is not worth it.  Focusing energy on the things that make you and the others around you feel good and inspired is worth it.  So, I’m officially over The Chase.  I’m kicking it like a bad habit (although I typically have trouble kicking bad habits, so you may see a blog post like this again sometime soon).   I’m back on the Small Victories ban-wagon, folks! But, before I do this, I think a good "Re-charge, Re-energize and Re-fresh" is in order....and home (as in NY, to be with my amazing family and friends - YAY!) is where I'm going to get it.  When I come back, I'll be ready to Go-Get-Em-Earl! Cheezy, I know - but it's Saturday night and I'm spooning Peanut Butter (thanks to loved ones back home who send me packages) out of the jar writing a blog - cut me some slack ;)