The Toilet Paper Test

Well, this didn't actually start out as a test; it kind of turned into that....in my head at least.  It began when I came back home to my village after being gone for a month and I had nothing in my house, including toilet paper. I guess I should preface with the toilet paper (TP) situation in Thailand - ok, here it is: they don't use TP in Thailand. Well, I shouldn't say that - Thai's use TP as napkins and paper towels, but not for private time in the bathroom.  Thai bathrooms (both household and public) typically have 1 of 2 options:

1. The butt sprayer - imagine a sprayer that you take off of the wall, when you push the tab, water shoots out to clean your butt, hence a butt sprayer (*Please note this is most common in public bathrooms and pretty much the only option in hotels - at least the cheap hotels I stay in).

Butt sprayer with a typical squat toilet - note that this is what I'd consider clean

2. Big tub o' water - imagine a big tub or urn filled with water.  Now take your hand or a bucket, whichever you prefer, and clean yourself with the water from the big tub o' water = water wipe.

This is just to help you visualize the concept, but this is way more clean than anything you'll find outside of my house.  Typically, this option is dirty, stinky, with a squat toilet, and a big tub of brown, dirty, buggy water

Now, imagine being in a dirty (and I mean dirty) public bathroom with one of these 2 options.  God only knows where that butt sprayer has been and you can always count on the big tub o' water being filled with dirty, brown, bug infested water.  The bucket used to wash with is always filthy (and I mean filthy) and there's NEVER any soap to wash your hands afterwards.  Really, you ask?  Yes, really.

Coming from America where we simply just wipe with some TP and call it a day, this was troublesome for me.  Yet, carrying TP everywhere just became exhausting.  Largely because you can't wash the TP down the squat toilet or regular bowl (the plumbing in the country just can't handle all that) and you have to pray there's a garbage pail around - and those are almost as rare as TP.  So, what do I do?

1. I stock up on TP in my house and always have a garbage pail nearby.

2. When travelling, I try to remember the TP but often forget and/or there's no garbage pail around.  So, I learned to embrace the drip dry.  C'mon, we've all done it.

3. If in a clean public bathroom, I've learned to rock that butt sprayer.  It took me a solid year in this country to be ok with that, but I've finally come to terms with it.  Despite the fact that I'm more wet after using the sprayer (they have massive shooting power), at least I feel cleaner.

So,  now that we have that out of the way, I'll go back to my TP Test.  I came home with no TP in the house and seeing that I was too lazy to get more, I figured I'd just suck it up for the day and rock the water wipe (see #2 in Thai bathroom options).  If you notice, the water wipe has never been an option I have chosen - so this was new for me.  I also had a cold and had to blow my nose incessantly - I figured my grandpa always used a handkerchief, so can I!  Well, that 1 day turned into a full week without TP in my house.  I've been to the store during that time but always forgot to buy TP, so I began wondering that maybe I have officially become accustomed to the Thai bathroom situation.  I was secretly proud of myself and realized that this past week turned into the TP Test of my life.....and I passed! (*please note that not using TP is also better for the environment, so I was extra proud of that fact.)  Granted, it's been a very 'wet in the crotch area' kind of a week, but we can't win em' all.

But then, a weak moment came upon me.  It was sitting there on the shelf, enticing me, practically screaming my name.  And so I bought a roll of TP.  And the first time I used it I actually felt guilty. I had been so strong that week with going all naturale and all and then I succumbed.  Just.like.that.  It was like all those times I've quit smoking and then I would have "just 1 cigarette" and feel so awful, but so good at the same time.  And then, you pick that bad habit right back up as if you never stopped.  That's exactly what it was like with the TP.

Now, a week after my first TP purchase, I'm still using TP in my house but on a more conscious level....aka I'm using it sparsely.  If I walk away with nothing else from this PC experience, at least I can always turn back to the TP test and feel semi-proud.