Thursday, July 28, 2011

Kuhn Da cares for Yai - July 28, 2011

I know I haven't posted for a really long time and I really have to because there is SO much to update on - but so many updates means I'm busy so I apologize for not being more dilligent, but glad that I'm busy!  I will update you on all that has gone one the past month or 2, but I wanted to share this brief story with you all.

Before I get into my story, I must preface a bit with some Thai culture and history.  In Thailand, there is a hierarchial system making age, social status, gender and appearances the end all be all.  I don't mind the age hierarchal thing, but everything else related to this system is probably my least favorite thing about Thailand.  All the people who are socially 'higher' are usually the assholes and do the least, yet they get the most respect.  And in my eyes, this system has added to the stereotypical gender role problem.  Typically in Thailand, the women run everything....they do all the work in the house and they work the fields, in addtion to taking care of the kids while the men hang out together smoking cigarettes, lounging around and often getting drunk (alcoholism is a really big problem here).  While living with my host family, I was expected to help in the kitchen and do all the 'womanly' things while the men literally came into the kitchen to eat and then left and never lifted a finger.  I didn't mind helping at all, I mean these people were housing and feeding me so I tried to help as much as possible.  But there were a few instances when I wanted to deck my host dad - a few arrogant moments on his end when I guess he thought we could treat me as his 'Thai daughter' and have me cater to him....because women cater to men, it's just the way it is here. 

Although I see this stereotypical gender role issue in my community, I do think the men in my community do not fully fit this stereotype.  This could be because most of the men I spend my time with at my site are really great men who are patient with me, respectful towards me, work hard in the fields and are involved in the community (my community is still dominated by men - there are 5 female leaders out of 40).  These men I am referring to are also 40-45  years old + as many men 20-40  years old move to Bangkok to work, so the age could be a factor also.  Overall, I love the men in my community but I certainly don't love all of the dynamics.  Although they are great men, there is still the mind-set that women and men have certain roles and doing anything outside of that box is viewed as not beautiful or not good.  I also rarely see a man taking care of a child - if I do it's the grandfather of the child.  Now that I'm comfortable at my site, I will try to use these situations to explain what it's like in America and how woman have equal opportunities and men actually wash the dishes. 

Sorry for the cultural rant - back to my original story which is short. Today I went to visit friends of my Nayoke to deliver a wheelchair he was donating to them.  I did not know the situation, I just went along for the ride. As it turns out, we were giving the wheelchair to an older woman who was diabetic and had been in some kind of accident that caused a lot of damage and she couldn't do much for herself, including walking and eating.  So when we got there, I see this elderly woman (Yai=grandma) sitting in a chair and her elderly husband (Da=grandpa) sitting on the floor in front of her (Note #1: this scene alone was rare for me to see) WHILE HE IS FEEDING HER!  It was one of the sweetest things I've seen - he was so gentle and sweet with her.  They were so genuine and so grateful for the wheelchair - he helped her into it, they tested it out and he was teaching her how to use it.  I told him that he took very good care of his wife and that he was doing a great job.  I actually cried and had to compose myself to not make them feel uncomfortable.  It was just so nice to see all 'expectations' and typical scenes of the woman catering to the man, washed away.  Gender roles no longer existed at this point and he was just taking care of somebody that he loved and cared about.  It was really nice to see such a tender moment.